It’s not a sin, it’s a personality quality: you’re shy. Shyness itself is not a problem, but if it’s getting in the way of your sales success, then here are some tips for working with your shy self to get sales. Remember—lots of your clients are shy, too, and your shy self may be just the colleague they need!
Shyness isn’t a thing—it’s a spectrum of experience. The primary characteristic of shyness is that it’s an ego-based fear of what other people do, or will, think of you or your behavior. Extreme shyness may result in social anxiety or even phobias of being in the presence of others, especially those you don’t know well. Shyness is sometimes a result of low self-esteem, but not always.
A little less than half of North Americans say they identify as shy. So if you’re shy, you’re in good company. And shyness has some benefits. Shy people may be deeper thinkers. The energy used by others to express outwardly can be spent in inward reflection. This isn’t the same as getting wound up so tightly in thinking that you can’t get things done, however. Again—it’s a spectrum.
Shy people may find that they are actually good at sales because they are attuned to what’s going on around them. They notice. They see details of behavior and may note communication subtleties.
Shy people are sometimes good listeners. While they may be removed from easy participation in a conversation, a shy person may in fact, be a good conversationalist because they are listening to each person talk. I once had a shy business sales partner. I was a good talker, but he was a great listener. He was sometimes reluctant or slow to respond in a sales call, but when he did—wow—he really connected the dots for us all, because instead of preparing his response when people were talking, he was listening!
According to an article in the Huffington Post, much of our world values extraversion and a lack of shyness (they are not the same thing, necessarily). Lindsay Holmes of Huff Post noted, “Children’s classroom desks are now often arranged in pods, because group participation supposedly leads to better learning; in one school I visited, a sign announcing “Rules for Group Work” included, “You can’t ask a teacher for help unless everyone in your group has the same question.” Many adults work for organizations that now assign work in teams, in offices without walls, for supervisors who value “people skills” above all. As a society, we prefer action to contemplation, risk-taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. Studies show that we rank fast and frequent talkers as more competent, likable and even smarter than slow ones.”
So what can you do if you are shy, but are in sales job?
First, recognize that shyness is not a fault, it’s simply a trait, and like all traits, it has upsides and downsides. Work to recognize your strengths as a shy person and contemplate a little on how you, specifically, can use them to your benefit in sales.
Second, think about where your shyness comes from. Have you always been shy? When was your shyness an asset and when was it an obstacle? Notice people who are not shy. Could it be possible that a little shyness might enhance their performance?
There’s an interesting theory that shy people may fidget more and that that fidgeting may actually be a small sign of something good going on! There is also something called the cognitive load hypothesis, which suggests that when we have to deal with complex thoughts or problems, we offload some of the cognitive load into movement, thus freeing up resources to devote to the mental process. Fidgeters might be better thinkers! If you think your fidgeting distracts others, you can bring awareness to the fidgeting part of the body and relax it. Breathe. Return to the problem solving.
Remember that your shyness is probably not as evident to others as you think it is. You don’t need to advertise it. Just let it be. Tall people are tall. Sleepy people are sleepy. You are shy. Everyone has some way of being and we’re all different. There is more space in the world for diversity than you might imagine.
Don’t confine yourself to the label “shy”—or any other label. You’re not always shy. You’re not always anything. Let yourself and others be as complex as you are.
Most of us are hardest on ourselves, so make a habit of observing others (without making a big deal out of it). You may find that other people are suffering from their own symptoms of insecurity and that you are not alone. In the workplace today, many people are under a lot of stress, and sales calls are inherently stressful for some people—even those who aren’t shy. Turn your focus away from your own discomfort and focus on the comfort of others. Make people know that you’re there to help them and that you’ll be easy to work with. Remember your strengths, in spite of and even because of your shyness and use them to help others as you sell.
As a shy person you may be sensitive to the feedback of others—both verbal and non-verbal. Sometimes you’re bound to have a bad moment. Everyone does. Remind yourself that a bad moment does not mean a bad meeting and that a bad meeting does not mean a bad day or a bad week. Look back, acknowledge your role in the difficulty and think a little about whether you could do it differently in the future. Remind yourself that your failure is not necessarily a sign of anything in particular. It could be the others involved were at fault. Move on.
Being shy, you will be sensitive to the shyness of others. Bring that sensitivity to work in sales meetings and treat other shy people with care and respect. You might find that even people who are not shy outwardly are shy under their extroverted shell. Treat them as shy and see what happens.
The sales process is about service to others. You’re there to help them find solutions to their most pressing problems. Shy or not, we all have challenges and you can be a part of their forward momentum.
Make a list of all your fears and worries in sales. What can you do about them? Can you strategize around them, one by one? Be realistic. It will take time—maybe even years. But you have years. Acknowledge your worst fears and think rationally. Are they likely to happen? So you blush up to your chin? Does this really matter? Probably not as much as you think it does. And maybe you expand your turtleneck wardrobe—shy or not.
The very things we think are our shortcomings in sales may turn out to be our strengths. And our strengths may well turn out to be weaknesses in disguise. Self-reflection on these two points can be useful for those who are shy and those who are not. Good luck!
Make a list of all your jitters and worries. Name them, plan how you’re going to eliminate them, and move forward.
Suffering from shyness shouldn’t keep you from the success you are seeking, so try these simple tools and make them work for you–in fact, they’re good techniques to try whether you’re shy or not.